____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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