Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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