theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
