Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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