Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
