the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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