I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
