I think my fart just growled at me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
