By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
