He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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