Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
