Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
