I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
