If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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