i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
