Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
high people should be assigned attendants
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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