boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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