I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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