I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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