Princesses don't give blow jobs
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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