I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
