well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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