He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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