I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
