Already got asked if we're dating
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
