Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
