Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
