you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
