I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
