Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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