i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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