i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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