Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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