Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
