Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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