Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
