OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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