i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
