Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
