he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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