True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
