btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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