Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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