just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
how does that bad decision feel?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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