a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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