I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize