i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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