Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
