Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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