I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
