I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think i have herpe
just one?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
