It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
