she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
