i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize