I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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