Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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