This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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