Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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