I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
