3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
