shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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