I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
