Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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