I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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