it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
